Critical Evaluation: Pennsylvania
here's what the candidates really wanted to say
2008-04-21
By DeAngelo Starnes

 The following is an excerpt from last week’s debate with a twist.  The questions have been shortened from the actual ones asked.  More importantly, the answers have been changed to reflect what was really on the candidates’ minds.  Ebonyjet is absolved of my sins.

CHARLIE GIBSON: Addressing a closed-door fundraiser, you got to talking about small-town Pennsylvanians who have had tough economic times in recent years. And you said they get bitter.  Now, you've said you misspoke.  Do you understand that some people in this state find that patronizing and think that you said actually what you meant?

SENATOR OBAMA: First, I only said I misspoke on the advice of my staff.  The truth is if the people of Pennsylvania and every other working, middle, and lower class person isn’t bitter about these economic times, then I’d like a sample of the same drugs they’re taking.

GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: Senator Clinton, do you think Senator Obama can beat John McCain?

SENATOR CLINTON: I know I’ve created the impression that he can’t.  Not only can he beat John McCain but so could Governor Richardson, Senator Edwards, Congressman Kucinich, or any of the candidates who sought the ’08 Democrat Presidential nomination.  In fact, the present and former candidates had a conference call with Chairman Dean and laughingly asked ourselves whether the Republicans were serious.  It’s just that, knowing it’s the Democrats race to lose, I don’t want Senator Obama to have that opportunity.  That’s why I keep throwing him under the bus every chance I get.

MR. STEPHANOPOULOS: Senator Obama, do you think Senator Clinton can win?

SENATOR OBAMA: As long as the votes aren’t suppressed, changed, or stolen by Rovian tactics, she can.

MR. GIBSON: Senator Obama, since you last debated, you made a significant speech in this building on the subject of race and your former pastor, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. 

SENATOR OBAMA: Are you really going to ask me another question –

MR. GIBSON: If you knew he got rough in sermons, why did it take you more than a year to publicly disassociate yourself from his remarks?

SENATOR OBAMA: I find it funny I have to keep answering this question when no one has asked Senator McCain to disassociate himself from Reverend John Hagee’s remarks about the victims of Hurricane Katrina.  Or for Senator Clinton to disassociate herself from some of the crazy comments and antics her husband makes and does on the campaign trail.  But let me ask you a question, Charlie.  Did you serve in Vietnam?  Because Reverend Wright did.  That’s something that neither our current president nor vice president can claim.  And given his service to this country, I think Reverend Wright has earned the right to say what he damn well pleases about America.  In fact, given the demonization he continues to face, I’m sure he not only repeats the quote “God damn America,” but God damn the press, as well.

MR. STEPHANOPOULOS: Senator, two questions. Number one, do you think Reverend Wright loves America as much as you do? And number two, if you get the nomination, what will you do when those sermons are played on television again and again and again?

SENATOR OBAMA: Let me say this for you and everyone else.  Don’t ask me that dumbass question anymore.  If you want to know if Reverend Wright loves America as much as I do, ask him.  He’s the one that made the comments. 

MR. STEPHANOPOULOS: Senator Clinton, we also did a poll today, and we asked a lot of Pennsylvania voters for questions they had. A lot of them raised this honesty issue and your comments about being under sniper fire in Bosnia.

SENATOR CLINTON: George, let me say this.  I was actually recalling a dream I once had at 3 a.m.  I was going to use it as a campaign ad showing how rough and tough I can be.  Instead, we modified it into the three in the morning phone call commercial that’s become so popular.  I only mentioned it because I didn’t want a good idea to go to waste. 

MR. GIBSON: Senator Obama, I want to do one more question, which is a question raised by a woman by the name of Nash McCabe.
NASH MCCABE: (From videotape.) Senator Obama, I have a question, and I want to know if you believe in the American flag. I am not questioning your patriotism, but all our servicemen, policemen and EMS wear the flag. I want to know why you don't.

SENATOR OBAMA: Actually, I wanted to wear a middle finger in my lapel tonight but was advised against doing that.  But seriously, I would wear a flag but my staff couldn’t find one that wasn’t made in China.

MR. STEPHANOPOULOS: Senator, a follow-up on this issue, the general theme of patriotism in your relationships. A gentleman named William Ayers, he was part of the Weather Underground in the 1970s. They bombed the Pentagon, the Capitol and other buildings. He's never apologized for that. And in fact, on 9/11 he was quoted in The New York Times saying, "I don't regret setting bombs; I feel we didn't do enough."

An early organizing meeting for your state senate campaign was held at his house, and your campaign has said you are friendly. Can you explain that relationship for the voters, and explain to Democrats why it won't be a problem?

SEN. OBAMA: Because nobody remembers who the Weather Underground was.

MR. GIBSON: Senator Obama, the District of Columbia has had a law since 1976 that prohibits ownership of handguns, a sawed-off shotgun, a machine gun or a short-barreled rifle. Is that law consistent with an individual's right to bear arms?

SENATOR OBAMA: Charlie, let me flip the script.  Do you want a bunch of people bearing arms in this economy where no one has money or jobs and are losing their homes at an alarming rate?

MR. STEPHANOPOULOS: Senator Clinton, you have a home in D.C.
Do you support the D.C. ban?

SENATOR CLINTON: I already got into trouble talking about dodging sniper fire.  I really don’t want to touch another question about guns.

MR. GIBSON: That concludes tonight's Pennsylvania debate. We appreciate both of you and wish you both the best.

(Off-camera) George, do you think we can make it to the limo before security lets the people out of their seats? 

DeAngelo Starnes is an attorney and cultural critic based in Denver.  He covered the final season of the Wire for EbonyJet.com. Critical Evaluation is his new regular column.