Thoughts on the Saga of Michael Vick
Part 1: Press Conference Gold
2007-08-28
By Patrice Evans

First in a series of articles on the Michael Vick case.

Before Michael Vick's press conference yesterday I couldn't help but notice my anxiety in anticipation of the moment.  It felt like some sort of Press Conference Final in the Celebrity Olympics. While we're discussing it, I don't see why we don't just go ahead and start a celebrity sports league premised around press conferences and red carpets and gossip that ultimately add up to victories and losses for the individual celeb-players involved. Like sports, none of it is "real," or important in the big picture. And it would make all the fuss much less insidious.

It's a game!  We know it's a game!  If the terrorists attack we won't play and talk about Lindsay or Angelina that day/week. And some people won't care!  And some people will!  And celebrities can sell tickets to press conferences -- you know some of y'all want to see 'em in person – and those extra revenue streams can help them be more discerning with their projects and their art or
whatever it is they do.  And if they don't actually do anything, people will stop showing up to their game-events. 

And it'll totally be like we can start the CBL (Celebrity Bullshit League. CBSL?) so that we can play and watch celebrity bullshit, but not let it ruin America where we end up like Miss Teen South Carolina. Because we know if we asked Miss South Carolina about Lindsey Lohan and Britney she could speak with much more verve and alacrity.

So as Michael Vick began his routine I realized I had a definite rooting interest.  At first I played the fence, and just nodded in approval as he went into his series of apology-flips. But then as he catapulted off the moral high
ground; name-dropping Jesus, and giving shout-outs to the children (if you find Jesus, but without a press conference, does Jesus still get the memo?), I couldn't help but smile in admiration. And by the end, whipped into a frenzy, I was openly woot-wooting as Vick nailed his dismount; steadfastly declaring his immaturity and a vow of redemption.  It was electric.  Magical. A resounding gold medal performance.  No doubt about it. At the most critical juncture in his career – his life! – he delivered his greatest performance. Conviction about his conviction!

Of course the moment of victory passed, as they always do, and we're left to evaluate what it means in a bigger picture. And we will do just that in a series of posts examining the moral victories and subtextual takeaways related to this saga of scorn and redemption. We know Michael Vick is guilty.  And we know dogs are better than chickens. 

But what about black people?  Are we allowed to call this a race issue?  Must we kick Vick out the family? What about the doggy Bill of Rights?  Should a dog enter the presidential election race on the strength of the Vick platform?  The opportunity to compare the value of dogs, to people, to wins and losses as an athlete, to millions of
dollars going in many directions for many reasons is a unique one, and a big part of why this story captures the public's imagination.

We look forward to your feedback as we explore [the Michael Vick scandal].

Patrice Evans (aka The Assimilated Negro) is a writer, blogger and EbonyJet.com contributor whose work has appeared in Gawker, Time Out New York and The New York Times. His blog is www.theassimilatednegro.blogspot.com.