Ask Neycha: Time Waits For No Gump
2008-12-04
Dear Neycha:
I am considering having an affair. I've been married to my husband for two and half years, and I haven’t liked him for at least one year. Here’s my issue, and it burns me up. This fool who’s always been stingy with compliments has the nerve to continually break his neck looking at other women. I mean all the time. We can be in the car, the grocery store or at a friends and he’ll do it. He doesn’t seem to care that it embarrasses me or hurts my feelings. All of our friends have commented on it. I have told him over and over again that it’s important for me to feel like the object of his desire. But his desire always seems drawn to every other good-looking woman. It’s ridiculous. The idea of spending time with someone who really sees me is attractive. My girlfriends told me to go for it. Is anything wrong with that?
~Wanna Be Adored Too, Largo, Maryland
Dear Wanna Be Adored Too:
First, tell your girlfriends to shut up. Where were they when you married Mister Wandering Eyes? If they didn’t speak up then, they should forever hold their traps closed! Then WBAT, use a little common sense. I know you know that deciding to have an affair because your husband gawks at other women is a tad immature. Yes?
Granted it is natural to want to feel adored - especially by those we love. However, deciding to step out of your marriage to seek adoration is a serious, serious matter. So what - you may get temporary satisfaction from some other dude gazing you up for a bit, but what will it really resolve in the end WBAT? Cheating WON’T improve your marriage or self-esteem. BOTH are obviously in deep trouble – your marriage because it fails to protect each partner’s interest and solitude, and your self-esteem because it’s low frequency has you chasing external approval.
Listen lovey, you have some very serious issues to consider that extend far beyond knocking your husband’s block off the very next time he engages in such moronic behavior. For instance, how long can you sustain a marriage with someone you don’t even like? Do you genuinely feel this marriage is worth saving? IF it is, are you willing to confront the problems and really work at it? Marriage is not for kids! If you feel the marriage is not worth saving, are you ready to take the necessary steps to end it? Either way, it is highly advisable that you seek some couch time with a good counselor to help you resolve the low expectations and patterns of avoidance that allowed you to end up with a man you call a “fool.”
With some personal insight and healing, you may consciously choose to enter more fully into saving the marriage you entered. Or you may decide to end it and jet on the first thing smoking. Just make sure the “thing” you hitch a ride on is your own self-respect, rather than another dude’s ogling. See your SELF sweet girl! You adore you! It’ll fuel you up in a way that absolutely no one else can.
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About Neycha
Ashamed of my Past
Getting Funked
Ready To Spill It
Haunted By The Ex
Following Love
Still Hustlin'
Used Up
Don't Want To Talk About It
Scared Wife
Not Into Tiny
Too Through
Rejected
Blindsided
Cubicle ina Minefield
Tired of Paying
Make Lunch Plans, Not War
School Girl Crush
Confused About The Next Move
Blue-collar by Choice
Torn With Guilt
The Ask Neycha column is for entertainment purposes only.
Any information or advice given not intended to provide an alternative to or replacement for professional advice or the services of your physician, psychotherapist, or psychiatrist.
