Ask Neycha: Tired of Texting
2008-11-06
Dear Neycha:
I am a single, thirty-five year old woman who is intelligent and attractive. My problem is this. After the constant encouragement of friends, I finally bit the bullet and logged online to “find love”, or at least a decent companion to spend time with. I met a few men I thought were interesting and one in particular that I like. What bugs me about them all, especially the guy I’m feeling the most is the constant text messaging – they’re textaholics. Text messages about everything – our next date, last minute change of plans, how much they are feeling me, etc. Plus the one I like the most rarely ever picks up the phone to call me and seems to conduct his life through his blackberry. How are we really supposed to get to know each other? My girlfriends who’ve been single much longer all seem well adjusted and call this new form of communication a sign of the times. They say I’m being old-fashioned. Has it really come down to this? Am I wrong for wanting to experience a real conversation?
~Tired of Texting
Dear TOT:
It seems the only real dilemma you have is the dimwit advice of your girlfriends – first the suggestion to go online to find a “decent companion”, and then for them to “make like” you’re an antiquated lunatic for wanting to hear the voice of the person you’re speaking to – every now and again. Gimme a break!
You can find a “decent companion” working at the local five and dime in your hood. Paying for it with an online subscription is plain ridiculous. You would be wise to consider what you mean by “decent”. In my book that’s “not bad”, and settling for “not bad” only invites the kind of fockery sure to be in conflict with what you say you want – a genuine conversation experienced in real time with a man generally interested in getting to know you. Really?
TOT, there’s a world of distance between “finding love”, and “finding decent”. That you’ve attracted playmates who are obviously comfortable hiding behind the posture of their text devices like their childhood G.I. Joe’s is truly unfortunate – and not surprising given that you’ve crossed your signals. I mean who spends time telling someone by text message how much “they are feeling them” and not pick up the phone at least as much or more to communicate the same. Don’t believe the hype.
Let’s be clear. Pimping technology in the 21st century has made many things more convenient – and thankfully so! However, getting to really know someone is NOT one of them. Much is lost in the translation of the scripted reality of techno communication -- like involuntary facial expressions or the loud noise of unintended silence and the messages they communicate to us about the other person.
TOT, I offer that anyone who’s genuinely interested in getting to know you is someone who’s likely to be willing to experience these kinds of unscripted moments with you. This type of person would also at least be more likely open to “finding love”. And if that is what you really want, then cast for it. Decent is an energy drain. Textaholics who prefer gadgets to human interaction are as scary as Sarah Palin. Don’t do it, look to the light.
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About Neycha
Ashamed of my Past
Getting Funked
Ready To Spill It
Haunted By The Ex
Following Love
Still Hustlin'
Used Up
Don't Want To Talk About It
Scared Wife
Not Into Tiny
Too Through
Rejected
Blindsided
Cubicle ina Minefield
Tired of Paying
Make Lunch Plans, Not War
School Girl Crush
Confused About The Next Move
Blue-collar by Choice
Torn With Guilt
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Any information or advice given not intended to provide an alternative to or replacement for professional advice or the services of your physician, psychotherapist, or psychiatrist.
