Ask Neycha: Ready To Spill It
2008-08-07
Dear Neycha:
Neycha, Neycha. Big dilemma, I think anyway. Recently my girlfriend’s fiancé, who she’s been engaged to for about a year, tried to come on to me. A big group of us that normally hang out were at their house for a cookout. The fiancé was playing bartender making raspberry martinis’ most of the evening. At one point when I went to refresh my drink, the fiancé handed me a new martini, leaned in and asked, “When you gone let me shake you up and down?” I was so caught off guard that nothing came out my mouth but a nervous giggle and I cut away across the yard immediately. I have not seen him since. Most of my girlfriends think I absolutely should not tell our friend about what happened. They believe it will create a riff in our group and bring an end to us hanging out. Plus they think that my girlfriend might not believe me and turn the situation around and blame it on me. Even still, I believe she has a right to know before they marry in December. What do you think?
-Ready To Spill It, Baltimore, MD
Dear Ready To Spill It:
I feel for you. Being chatted up by your friend’s beaus is always an uncomfortable situation. When they are actually fiancés, it takes it to an entirely different and more serious level. This fiancé sounds like an idiot. Whether he was drunk, horny or temporarily insane doesn’t matter. There’s no good excuse for him speaking out the side of his face like that to you. He disrespected both his woman and YOU. He’s lucky your “nervous giggle” didn’t shoot into your body causing your “nervous” leg to have an involuntary motion right into his dummy stick!
If this is his straight up first offense (no previous slick eyes, old man dirty grins, quick winks), you may simply choose to offer him a mental “kick in the pants” the next time you see him to put him on notice to not try that BS with you or anyone else again! This course of action, sparing your girl the details, ONLY works if you TRULY feel in your heart that the fiancé had a momentary lapse in his idiot box brain.
However, IF you have REAL suspicions about homeboy’s character and his ability to honor your girl, then there are always valid reasons for spilling your guts – like honesty, loyalty, and sparing your friend from a life of misery with a fool! Even though your girlfriends are attempting to look out for you, (and their own interest in uninterrupted hangin’) you are not obligated to consider the group or the fiancé in this situation. Consider your girlfriend.
Sure, there are those who would turn this situation around on you, or find ways to discount the information. However you must determine whether you believe your friendship is worth risking these things. In the end, it’s totally up to your girlfriend to determine what she will do with the information. Neither your silence nor speaking up can interrupt the fated outcome of this relationship. She will move toward what works for her. I suggest you do the same. Follow your instinct. There are those who still prefer the truth to comfort.
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About Neycha
Ready To Spill It
Haunted By The Ex
Following Love
Still Hustlin'
Used Up
Don't Want To Talk About It
Scared Wife
Not Into Tiny
Too Through
Rejected
Blindsided
Cubicle ina Minefield
Tired of Paying
Make Lunch Plans, Not War
School Girl Crush
Confused About The Next Move
Blue-collar by Choice
Torn With Guilt
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Any information or advice given not intended to provide an alternative to or replacement for professional advice or the services of your physician, psychotherapist, or psychiatrist.
