St. Lucia Wetlands

The dog ate my homework and a monkey stole my lunch.

Well, I don’t know about the dog—that was always a pretty weak excuse—but during a visit to the St. Lucia Wetlands, a pair of gangsta velvet monkeys did in fact climb up into our Land Rover and run off with our hotdog buns at a park setting in between the Indian Ocean and the jungle. It wasn’t enough, however, that they stole from the hungry. They had the nerve to eat the buns in front of us and were soon joined by their friends the mongrels who rolled right up to our table as we were eating.

Just another day in the bush.

My guides and I did, however, have better luck spotting members of the wild kingdom during that particular game drive.  We saw a baby rhino grazing in the grass with its mother—one of the Big 5 at last! And even though I was told there were elephants on the property, apparently they had headed over to the other side of the lake for greener pastures. As for the big cats, none were currently taking up residence in the wetlands. The one cheetah had been killed.

Launch Slide Show! 

The Town

While St. Lucia is a town that resembles any costal Florida town south of Orlando, it really wasn’t my kind of place. I’m sure part of it had to do with the fact that some of the black South Africans—who are few in number—complained about the racial profiling there. One of my guides said that there are stores in town that will still check the bags of black patrons on their way out of the store.

“The worst thing is that they make the black people do the checking,” one guide said.

I also found the town just a bit cheesy in a Virginia Beach boardwalk kind of way. It was hard to find myself there.  The one thing I did appreciate though was that there was a TV in my comfortable room at the Lidiko Lodge.

I know—so, so American.

Although the TV had no CNN, BBC I did get hooked on this soap opera called “Scandal.” The actors spoke English but would switch over to Zulu in mid-sentence. I’m not sure why that was done, but it worked. I also dug the fact that they looked like normal people—unlike our soap stars who wake up in full makeup—and that the show was multicultural.

Thula Thula

Out of all the game reserves I visited <a href=Thula Thula <http://www.thulathula.com</a>, on the north coast about three hours from Durban, was by far my favorite. Everything about this place rocked. The food was fab, the cabin was tight and finally after four days in the bush I saw some elephants. Big ones, small ones, medium-sized ones.

Baby Dumbo was ready for his close-up as he came within five feet of our vehicle.
Guide: “No sudden moves.”

Me: “Uh, dude I can’t move.”
But nothing beat the scene when I awakened from a mid-afternoon nap to discover four giraffes grazing about 300 yards outside my front door! Things like that just don’t happen in L.A.

We also spotted a crocodile that was about as big as an average fourth-grader. Our search for the elusive leopard proved futile, but that was OK with me since I had lucked up and spotted one in a tree at the Masai Mara back in 2000. I’m good for the decade.

On our way back to the lodge that day, the tracker did something I still can’t believe. He actually stuck his finger in a big pile of elephant dung and tasted it! I kid you not! The man ate—well, you know what I mean!

Tracker: “It’s from a female. If it’s sweet it’s from a female. If it’s sour it’s a male.”

And then he had to nerve to bring it over to me. As if!!!

Tracker: “Smell this.”

Me: “Homey, Uh-uh.”

Tracker: “It smells just let fresh cut grass.”

Me: Uh, yeah, I’m allergic to grass. Cheers. I’m good.”

Where are those monkeys when you need them?

Miki Turner is currently traveling throughout South Africa. She can be reached at oaktown89@aol.com